While yesterday’s news cycle was nothing short of entirely overwhelming, the bellyaching around Trumpworld nonetheless persists. It’s not going away, and besides the certainty of death and taxes, we’re going to need a truckload of Oxford Commas to supply this third absolute in life.
This past summer, various Twitter communities passed around this healthy rant from user @libbyjones715. While I’m not 100% sure that it was originally hers, I’ll give her attribution here as I’m almost confident that it is (again, not a journalist). Taking limited breath while unspooling her satire on the anti-mask wearing public, said Trumpworld shares much space in the Venn diagram that holds them both in its grasp.
“Welcome to the Freedom Cafe! We trust you to make your own choices if you want to wear a face mask. And, in the same spirit of individual liberty, we allow our staff to make their own choices about the safety procedures they prefer to follow as they prepare and serve your food.
We encourage employees to wash their hands after using the bathroom, but understand that some people may be allergic to certain soaps or may simply prefer not to wash their hands. It is not our place to tell them what to do.
We understand that you may be used to chicken that has been cooked to 165 degrees. We do have to respect that some of our cooks may have seen a meme or a YouTube video saying that 100 degrees is sufficient, and we do not want to encroach on their beliefs.
Some of our cooks may prefer to use the same utensils for multiple ingredients, including ingredients some customers are allergic to. That is a cook’s right to do so.
Water temperature and detergent are highly personal choices, and we allow our dishwashing team to decide how they’d prefer to wash the silverware you will put in your mouth.
Some of you may get sick, but almost everyone survives food poisoning. We think you’ll agree that it’s a small price to pay for the sweet freedom of no one ever being told what to do - and especially not for the silly reason of keeping strangers healthy.”
Thoughtful complaints can aide the world, especially if they hit the right ears. The number of thoughtful complaints that have enveloped bellyaching about wearing masks currently numbers zero in this world.
-Andrew Michael Flynn
9:34am Eastern Time